One thing I've been dwelling on and learning to accept lately is that I can't be perfect at everything nor am I naturally gifted at everything I try. For instance, I've realized that my creative juices definitely do not flow under pressure. The "design" I came up with this week for my surface decorating pottery class was the type of design that made me want to giggle and run out of the room. Like pretty hideous, but trying to be cute.
I've grown up pursuing things where there's always been immediate, tangible feedback on performance. Report cards, competitions, rankings... Whether it be pressure from an outside source or from within, I expected nothing less than the best from myself. I grew up with my violin teachers telling me, "unless you win grand prize, there's no point in even entering the competition," and I did. Entering college, I moved to Cleveland to study with one of the most sought after teachers in the world, only to leave that life for law. Upon entering law school, I told myself that I'd left a promising career as a violinist so I had to be first in my section, and I was. And then on to the big firm gig and the in-house position. So you get it. It's been one thing after another with all my ducks in a row.
All this to say, I feel a bit directionless now. I think I'm doing well at motherhood but who knows what the outcome will be? There are so many variables and so much that's out of my control. And while the vast array of possibilities out there in terms of interests and hobbies and potential future careers are exciting, I also feel a bit lost. It's like I'm back at square one, but this time, I don't have my parents or teachers or anyone telling me what to do. My ducks are all paddling their little feet in different directions at the moment.
One thing I do know: I don't want to be the type of person who expects perfection and as a result, won't pursue anything for fear of falling short. So my goal for the next few months is to focus on just a few endeavors and to stick to them no matter the outcome. I want to reprogram myself to try try and try some more, even if I fall flat on my face because that's what I want to teach my nuggets.
Enough rambling. Onto some mindless randomness...
One of the best purchases of 2011 are my Birkenstock Gizehs. I was sort of on the fence with these as Birks in general are a little too hippie dippy for my taste, but I'm absolutely in love. They're hands down the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned to date and pretty much go with everything. Ok, not everything but so many things! And, upon doing a google image search for them since there's something a little too intimate about showing a close up of my naked feet, I found pics of my girls Sofia Coppola and Ashley Olsen wearing a pair. Now I feel totally cool.
Have a great weekend! :)